chros

2010-06-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

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Learning to Fall

2010-06-26T22:34:00.000+08:00

Things haven't been going well. I know I'm not the worst off, I know. I'm aware there are other people suffering so much more than me in the world. But I just can't help but feel, defeated.

I came to secondary school, high flier, O levels good grades. JC excelled in CCA, got an outstanding award that is only given to one person a year, scored straight As for my A levels, was high profile in school, got a wonderful girlfriend. Wow, I was flying so high for so many years.

Now, it's all different. What use is good results when I've been rejected from Medicine School last year, rejected again this year, all because I was too overconfident for my interview. And I guess I'm not exceptional enough to get another one. Yeah, graduated from OCS well that's the only highlight. I used to think God wanted me to go into OCS to learn, grow and become stronger.

I did. I learnt so much, became so much stronger mentally, able to take any shit thrown at me. I became clear and confident of my leadership. I knew my weaknesses, my weakness to failure. I thought God wanted me to go through that to grow before putting me into medicine school. Close to applications my friend called me a defeatist, said I was too negative straight to my face, so it worked for awhile, I decided okay I'm gonna give it all I got this year.

But again God said no when I applied. I was then confronted, again, with failure. Then now comes fear. I'm forced to look at studying overseas for medicine, and I was confident I would get in because of my grades. But that would mean I'd be forsaking a chance to marry my girlfriend. Yes, I know I'm still young but I'm quite sure I don't want to leave her, I thought. And that was where all the fear came from. See previous post.

Guess what, I take the overseas admission test. I do badly. It's the first time I've got an overall 64th percentile for a test when I've always been 70+. I get rejected from three of the four overseas school I've applied to. There goes my 500 bucks. I'm left with one school that's interviewing me with a phone call on the 2nd July, but really. I'm doubting if God wants me to go to study medicine. I failed my driving test within 5 minutes of entering the car. Because of a stupid mistake, was too nervous, mounted the kerb, immediate failure.

Oh, and happy birthday love. I know you're not talking to me now. I hope you're enjoying your party. Hopefully you'll calm down and talk to me soon, though I know you're going for Uni camp in a few days and I probably won't see you. And I'm still afraid that you'll run off with some new Uni guy you meet.

So why, God. The only conclusion I can come to is that you're making me eat failure. To learn, to grow. Yes I know. But why shove it in my face so hard? Yes I keep telling myself six billion out there, at least four billion suffering more than me. I know. But that still doesn't change the fact that I feel like a complete failure.

Father, what are your plans for me, and what are you trying to teach me? Are you trying to tell me that I've been too proud of my achievements? That I should humble myself? You've given me a successful and easy life up until now, so what's to become of me now that I can't seem to get back up? There's only one more chance to study medicine, but that would mean leaving her. Lord, I hope you speak to me, because it's my first time failing so many times consecutively.

I've been rejected a dream that I've been pursuing all my life; a dream that I believed was my purpose in life achieve. I've been working so hard to get there, but now I know it doesn't matter how high you fly at first if you crash land just inches before your destination. It could happen to anyone.

fear

2010-02-21T14:30:00.002+08:00

Now I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing her. I'm trying my best to open the closed doors to medical school so I can stay with her, but i see no light. none at all. I'm trying in desperation to be with her, but it seems so inevitable that I'll lose her soon. It's a horrible, frightful feeling. And fear is driving me insane.

Review - 200909

2009-09-20T23:50:00.003+08:00

I suddenly have an urge to write. About nothing really. This blog has been long closed so unless some hacker's really good, no one can view this.

I'm here in Park West at my table, DotA on cheats running in the background simply to kill time, tomorrow being hari raya puasa and also booking back into OCS. Service term is finishing, it's just that last 24km route march to go. Plus, I have an incredible craving for smokes. Yep, that's basically the situation now.

What have I been doing these few years in my life? Well, looking back I guess one would say that life is quite pointless. Trying so hard, and indeed seeing results. But what do these results matter anyway. I guess at this very point in time I am again thirsting for a higher purpose, and I know the answer to it already. Yet somehow I'm still standing still. I'm saying oh, OCS, no time. I've got other stuff to concentrate on. At the end of the day the fact is I am busy, but when I'm free I feel empty.

Linyi's being a great girlfriend, the best I've ever had and could ever dream of. I might be meeting her tomorrow. I guess why I really felt like writing is because I'm looking for some sort of outlet. Reflecting is painful as of now, and direction is nil. All I have been doing is concentrating on surviving OCS, and also keeping the relationship between Linyi and I alive.

I hope the next time I have the sudden urge to write in here, hopefully a few years later, I'll be somewhere more purposeful and fulfilling. As of this moment, I am not at all satisfied with life.

Vincit Qui Se Vincit.

To an Unknown...

2005-12-18T00:31:00.000+08:00

To an unknown...
12:30 AM 18/12/2005

To an unknown human,
who cried out to another
who grasped thin air
and never lived since summer
To an unknown human,
too weak to save someone
who can't support himself
whose eyes can't take the sun

To an unknown human,
motionless on the floor
treaded and trampled on
to others, an eyesore
To an unknown human,
who tried to be there then
when someone asked for help
but still rejected by man

To an unknown someone,
he was used by you
you continued not to care
where is your virtue
To an unknown someone,
he tried not slowing you
wished not to be a burden
but an asset to you few

To an unknown someone,
he always wore a mask
told you he was happy
collapsing under the task
To an unknown someone,
he will not stop this act
though his pain's not felt
he'll be your stepping mat

When did his heart return,
when it was gone for years
making openings for attacks
and shedding painful tears
He used to be stronger,
when he yearned acceptance
when none of them could see
all his hidden reasons

But he will take all in,
and keep it hidden there
he'll handle them himself
his burden not to be shared
For a burden he will not be,
taking this weight alone
to accept his cry unheard
and write to an unknown...

Mirror

2005-12-15T22:35:00.000+08:00

Why the sudden urge to blog? Even if no one visits here.
I say that line not out of self-pity, but as stating a fact, because if this place was dead for 6 months, who would check back to see if its alive?
This place is a graveyard, a hall of memory, where 20 years later, I will look back on a laugh.
About how much of a fool I was,
And how much of a fool I still am.

*EVEN IF YOU DO ASK ME IF I AM REFERRING TO YOU, REALISE THAT THE ONLY THING I WILL SAY, IS NO, YOU'RE NOT THE ONE. EVEN IF YOU ARE OR NOT.

What hatred do I keep within me?
What grudges do I have against others?
How an anonymous person whines about his life, about how pitiful his life is.
How lonely he is, how no one is there for him.
How much hurts he has within, how he longs for someone.
And he does not know, how whiny he sounds.
He does not know, how weak he is.
Not able to handle his problems in life.

Weakling.
Pathetically weak human.
Realise that you do not know true loneliness.
Unless you tell me that your whole family has died, are you're the only one left.

Weakling.
Pathetically weak human.
Realise that you do not know true emptiness.
Unless you live on the streets, begging and grovelling for food.

Weakling.
Pathetically weak human.
Realise that you do not know true hurt.
Unless the one you loved, died for you in front of your eyes.

Weakling.
Pathetically weak human.
Choose to commit suicide,
And admit you're too weak and gutless to carry on.

How much attention do you try to gain.
By writing fancy poems, by showing off his dull skills.
By strumming a guitar, by covering up all his wrong notes.
By showing off what little he can do, and letting everyone think that he can do much more other than this style, or this song, or this pattern.

This, is a direct message to the people I despise. It may be you or it may not be you.

What's left unsaid is plenty,
What other grudges are many.
What use is there to continue,
When I am a weak human too.
Oh vulnerable human,
Oh dependent man.
Oh despicable person,
With your never-ending rant......

Why am I writing a poem again.........

Too much of me has been revealed.
The side which acts as the devil's foothold.
Where the sinner in me is not concealed.
Where the curse of malice is left to unfold.
How many weaknesses do we have?
What strengths and abilities can we find?
Why this openness and need to share?
How weak is my heart, oh so "divine"?

This sucks...

I used to not have a heart, not have a soul.
What happened to the times of only flesh and bone?
What destruction, how big a burden?
Is my softening in heart and the change foregoed?

Three days later, I will look back on this post and be ridiculed at what a wuss I am.

But one thing I have left to say,
Stop using me.
Stop treating me like a facility.

Back, for the time being

2005-11-20T21:57:00.000+08:00

Yes, haven't been blogging for a while and don't intend to really. It's kind of a pity to delete my archive of layouts, my archive of blog posts and everything else, but kinda decided to kill this thing after december.

Anyway, the holidays are gonna be very busy yeah.

Finished:
- Extra curriculum thingy wingy (first 2 weeks)
- "mama looking for her cat" play. (3rd week)

Yet to do:
- Stayover thing (last week of nov)
- Study for JLPT2 (last week of nov, 1st week of december)
- Mission trip (2nd week of december)
- Homework (last 2 weeks)

So its like all packed can, and now, I have this to say to the world

I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL I HAVE THE WHOLE WORLD BOW DOWN BEFORE ME AND WORSHIP ME

I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL I CAN CONTROL THE WORLD

I WILL NOT BE SATISFIED UNTIL I HAVE EVERYTHING THAT THE WORLD CAN GIVE

I WANT MONEY
I WANT POWER
I WANT FAME
I WANT WORLD DOMINATION!!!

In other words, I will never be satisfied..

MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

KAWANISHI MUST DIE

2005-10-29T22:18:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD

That bloody hell stupid Jap teacher of mine signed us up for a SUICIDE RITUAL!!!

NOTICE: I am taking the Japanese Language Proficiency Test Level 2 (levels are 4 to 1 with 1 being the highest) on 4 December 2005.

AND!!!

I AM GOING TO FAIL

My past jap teacher would have explained to us more about it but now? NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yano-sensei would have gone:"Ok there's the JLPT2 exam this yeah, I wouldnt recommend any of you to take it since you are currently intermediate 3 and you should be in AT LEAST intermediate 6 to take the exam. If not you would have to work very hard..."

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!!

KAWANISHI SENSEI DIDNT TELL US A THING LA!!! AND NOW WHAT? I HAVE BEEN SLAUGHTERED BY ONE PIECE OF PAPER!!!!!!

Even the intermediate 6 students are having a bit of problem and we are like what INTERMEDIATE 3???!?!?!?!??!

EXCUSE ME FOR BEING 3 LEVELS LOWER THAN THE MINIMUM STANDARD!!!

AND I SCORED LIKE 25% FOR THE PAPER?!?!?!?!??!!?

WTF MAN!!!!!

I'm monolingual....

Kairo

2005-10-18T20:10:00.000+08:00

Yes, thats her name... My guitars name is Kairo..

MARRIED SINCE 13 OCTOBER 2005!!!

What the hell i just noticed like 3 people visit this dead page?? Haha doesnt matter, its probably gonna permanently close after december.. And for pictures? I'll probably take them down after a week though...

CLICK ON PICTURES TO MAGNIFY!!!

Ohh. And I just noticed that I owe 2 people testis... oh well.. Anyway kinda short post today, nothing much to talk about..

So.. Who wants me to make layouts for them??

WHO WANTS TO GO ORCHARD?!??!?!?!??

GUITAR

2005-10-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

YES, I GOT MY FRIGGIN GUITAR!!!!

And I swear she is the hottest sexiest most playful and oh my SHIT her body is SOOO HOT!!! My mother man i could go on blabbering forever about her.. She is my wife, now and forever.. I am truly in love...

And my amp has SOO many effects ok.. Ok the guitar was discounted from $650 to $497 and my amp was discounted from $550 to $300 la.. And like what the hell man I spent altogether like close to $900 with the bag cable strings and everything else and i feel so damn broke now.. Oh man but i swear it was worth it im like drooling all over my keyboard now..

She doesn't have a very prominent brand.. Her brand name's "Katana" but you know what WHO CARES ABOUT BRAND!!! The shopkeeper compared it to the Ibanez GRG I wanted to get at first and ohhhh man the GRG paled at the SOUND of her man.. Yeah I love her..

Oh yeah I still need to name her, Have no idea what to name her yet but i'll name her soon, don't worry... Think tomorrow I may be taking photos of my wife and I together so I'll upload then WHEN i take them..

Right as a side note.. Woh today I went back to training after 1 month.. And it was actually ok la.. Didn't slacken as much as i thought.. But ok la i think.. OH SHIT... I just noticed...

After the exams, I still have 1 more exam to study for.. Jap.. Die.. The level mock test is on saturday.. Test is next week... And the proficiency test(that's the big yearly one) is on december 4th...

I THOUGHT I WAS DONE WITH STUDYING!!!

Son et Lumiere

2005-10-12T13:52:00.000+08:00

Yeah, New layout, after 5 months.. Features Riku of Phantasmagoria.. Rushed through this layout though so its not that good.. The title means "Sound and Light" IF I'M NOT WRONG... And I don't even know what language its in..

Ever noticed all the lead singers of jrock bands have similar names?

Gazette - Ruki
Phantasmagoria - Riku

????????????????????????????HUH??????????????????????????????

So I wanted to put in a Cbox cos they have that "older posts" thing but.. Cbox is SOO not willing to let me change it la.. Bloody hell they put all the contents in iframes, so i can't edit anything unless I hack into their system or something..

Then I decided what the hell la anyway i dont get that many tags anyway so why do i need an archive for messages and no I am not whining although it may sound like I am..

Oh yes, I'm getting my guitar tomorrow~~~~~~

And joash is getting another acoustic I think.. Anyway, exams officially finish TODAY!! I have 5 days to rot away before the exam scripts whack us to the floor again..

Oh yes, because during exams I'll be soo bored... i MAY be taking in LAYOUT REQUESTS.. But it depends on...

1) If i have the time
2) If i have the inspiration
3) If i have the drive
4) If you tell me your idea
5) If you provide me with COMPREHENSIBLE images
6) If i like you or not.. XD

Does this post sound girly or what.. Or maybe it's just me.. Oh well.. By the way I started playing one of the most gay games on earth: MAPLE STORY!!! And i really dont see why some of my other friends find it fun la.. It takes so damn long to level up one pathetic level.. Should just stick to PS2, so much more fun.. Anyway i think this verse is really interesting:

"He was given power to make war against the saints and to conquer them. And he was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation."
Revelations 13:7 [New International Version]

Revived

2005-10-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

Exams..

Are..

OVER!!!!

Haha.. but weirdly I'm not in the mood to blog today but said that i'll revive so yeah.. must revive right..

Anyway.. Planning to do many things during the holiday...

Like...

Actually nothing much..

Anyway hmm..

Oh yeah the new layout's coming up.. Should have been up now but there was this huge problem.. Oh well.. Anyway will get it up as soon as possible...

What else.. Oh yes I'm getting my electric guit on thursday..

Last thing

WHO WANTS TO GO OUT!!!!

Scheduled Revival

2005-09-25T19:19:00.000+08:00

Ok so now's the exam period... And I know of ALL times I should not be trying to revive my blog now..

But think of it.. what happens after exams?

You're gonna be dead bored.

Soo..

This blog is scheduled to revive [finally] sometime after exams....

sometime after exams..

sometime...

When i'm dead bored and have nothing better to do...

maybe i'll try making another layout..

ok whatever...

So the point is..

*Ahem*

*Cough*

*HackHack*

THIS BLOG WILL BE REVIVING SOMETIME AFTER EXAMS!!!

oh wait.. no one's gonna see this anyway cos my blog's been dead for around 2 MONTHS!!!

Either way might as well still post...

DEAD?

2005-06-11T17:03:00.000+08:00

Yes, this blog is OFFICIALLY DEAD and will REVIVE sometime.. next time..

Updated Friendster Account

2005-05-29T15:49:00.001+08:00

Today church was crazy.. We were giving away food and I made people take whole cakes! It was really damn funny and I was like scaring everyone away.

After church went to dhoby ghaut to play arcade, played virtua tennis 2 with alex and spent like 10 bucks on the same game.. madness man.. haha...

Anyway see title! I uploaded new pics there.. Hmm and I'm finally getting testimonials.. woohoo..

Back, after a long time..

2005-05-28T16:46:00.000+08:00

Hey hi! Haha... In a better mood these days so decided to revitalise my blog.. And since I'm already here i might as well make a new layout... Sooner or later that is.. Anyway meet the parents STANK!!!

Malvin Chan had to tell my parents that my mind was drifting off these few weeks and it was as if i was TROUBLED! Yaya i know your inference skills very good la but you didn't have to tell my parents right!?!?!?!? They're really the very last person on earth that i'd to.. In fact i'm not going to anyone at all these days so there's not outlet at all really..

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!

heyhey.. yeah i KNOW i've done real bad and i KNOW that a 20-point drop is really too much.. BUT its not because i'm troubled come onnnnnnnn isn't everyone else? Cheh.. yeah everyone else is wad... so what's the big deal man? Haha.. but seriously resolved to work very hard this june and guess wad? I TOOK ONE AMATH ONLINE TEST!!! AND MY HARD WORK FINALLY PAID OFF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I GOT????
.
.
.
.
.

7/20.
35%

Oh yay call myself a TRIPLE SCIENCE STUDENT!!!

Haha... actually i didnt study for it.. hellooo sets? it's been ages since i've done that...

Anyway one last thing.....

yeah i know i'm mad but i just felt like doing it... anyway that's it for now... DEVIL MAY CRY 3!!!!
See ya all//

ps. oh my friendster account is finally active!

Hiatus?

2005-05-13T23:02:00.000+08:00

Hey guys.. Won't be updating in a very long time so don't come back here [not like any of you come anyway] until... I dono... 1, 2 months? Yeah see ya.

The deep, dark abyss

2005-05-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

Haven't been updating in a while because there is no longer any reason to. Ether that or I just haven't been in the mood. This update is solely to keep my blog alive for a bit as I contemplate on whether to permanently eradicate the existance of this blog. Which will probably benefit some of you because I would have more time to make layouts for you guys out there.

Things have been going steeply downhill these days and I'm not about to mention what the fuck has happened because it will probably end up as an atrociously long essay. And even if i wrote that goddamed essay I wouldn't publish it anyway because some fucktard would probably spam my tagboard asking me not to be so whiny when his or her msn nickname or blog would be full of the typical "no one undetrstands me" shit.]

Well First thing, if you haven't noticed everyone's going through thre same shit so YOU fucking hell keep your goddamned mouth shut.
Second so what if they don't understand you? Accept it fuckhead.

Ps. No I'm not directing this to anyone in particular I just got tired of seeing the same shit wandering around.

So anyway since I will never allow myself to spill out my fucking irritating emotions in public, or in private for that matter....

Today I level up my ghost squad to 36!!! 2 more levels until i get my TR14!!!!! Can't wait I think tomorrow I go and play. Oh yeah and I really stuffed myself for dinner tonight! Jap FOOD ROCKS!! Woohoo..

Okay fuck I'm really sick and tired of acting as well, So I'll just end it here..

Oh and to those fucktards who need someone to understand them or give them security,

Go learn to live independently assholes.

I know I really shouldn't be venting my anger especially on this day but....

Are you willing to kill your heart?

2005-04-20T22:11:00.001+08:00

You're wandering mindlessly within a globe of darkness. You don't know where you're headed, and you have nothing to help you see your path. Your one step forward feels like you're taking one step back, and your one step to the left makes you feel like you're going right. Every step you take gives you a queer tingling sensation, as if the floor beneath you has just spun a thousand rounds in all directions. So, will you be brave enough to take one more step forward, though you know this means that you might be getting yourself deeper into the abyss?

There's finally light to be seen, at the end of the path. You're on the verge of getting out, but as you put one hand out, blood immediately splurts out. You retract your hand to find a thousand knives lodged deep inside your arm. Each blade has a message engraved on it. "Traitor", "bastard", "irritant", "slut", "whore", "flirt", "hypocrite". As you read this invisible tears stream down the side of your cheeks, unseen by the light outside. Yet you decide to try again, to take a step into the light. But no sooner do you find yourself cold and dead, lying motionlessly on the floor of light. You know the darkness is a thousand times better than the light, yet something keeps you from stepping back into it. This thing is known as the human heart.

The very heart which keeps you human, which urges you to share your burdens with future traitors known as the rare and trustworthy friend. The heart which gives you a nudge to trust a cold-blooded backstabber known as the uncommon and secret-keeping friend. The heart, which sabotages you to get hurt over and over again. Are you willing to let this heart of yours go?

Are you able to kill your own heart, and step back into the darkness?
Are you able to kill your own heart, and receive no shoulder to cry on?
Are you able to kill your own heart, and lose all trace of humanity?
Are you able to kill your own heart, and let the emptiness consume your soul?
Are you able to kill your own heart, and allow your body to be ripped apart from within?
Are you able to kill your own heart, and continue living by yourself?

For you know you've done it before, and you can do it again.
Only if you choose to.

Seek security behind the blood-stained shattered glass..

2005-04-14T17:40:00.000+08:00

Yay... new layout.. finally after 2 months... Uploaded the layout yesterday but had no time to post.. Not like any of you will actually notice lols... Who comes here anyway?
Anyway.. Today was SYF.. not that bad la i guess... Gonna dread tomorrow.. BB attire full-u... Then i still need to rush off to choa chu kang for training..
Gonna be dead tired...

Yeah and check out the drama blog also.. new layout.. was damn tiring removing the words tho...

No mood to update much.. next time maybe..

Casual post... after a long time..

2005-04-12T23:13:00.000+08:00

Ok am now working on a new layout.. its about done really so i already changed my tagboard colour slightly so sorry for any bad colour combi.. haha.. Anyway.. i'll be putting it up after i finish another layout for the drama blog.. which i have no ideas for..

Been updating very little lately.. No mood la i guess.. Either that or nothing to write about.. Anyway think that's about it for now... Before my father comes back and screams his balls off and force-feed me shit again.. raar..

The darkness that lingered and returned, lingered and returned...

2005-04-05T21:26:00.000+08:00

Ever wondered, where is the spot lucifer fell to earth?
Ever wondered, why lucifer wanted to be more powerful than god?
Ever wondered, why God sent him down?
Ever wondered, was Lucifer a threat to God's reign?
Perhaps there was a reason, a reason that we don't know of.
______________________________

Something I fear may come back to haunt me once more..
I just can hope that It won't.
Yet, I shall not reveal anything here...

`So where do I go from here?
`So what do I still hold?
`So when does time end?
`So who wishes for life to cease?
`So why am I still alive?
`So how do I get through?
____________________________
Another day without you...
Everything's already gone.
The only thing left for me to hold on to is you..
I want to understand what you're going through..
Please take care of yourself, I'm really worried about you..
ily..

The Day Darkness Descends to Earth

2005-04-03T21:21:00.000+08:00

More that 4000 years ago, at a time uncertain to the race of humankind.
Lucifer was banished from heaven for competing against God.
He wanted to be more powerful than God.

Now let's think.
Did God banish him because he did not want Lucifer to become more powerful than him?
Did God banish him because Lucifer posed a threat to him?
Did God banish him so that we will continue worshipping him instead of someone else?
Did God banish him because he wanted to continue being the ruler of all things?
Is God selfish?

Maybe this is why satanists exist in the world.

Soon, very soon.
Lucifer will come back to earth.
God to battle against Lucifer.
Lucifer to battle against God.
And put an end to this.
Soon, very soon.
The day will come.
When darkness descends to earth.
And the light reaches the world once more.

Maybe this is why satanists exist in the world.
____
Ok, random thoughts over.

Haven't been updating for a long time.
Today's sermon was kinda interesting... After church went to orchard.. Bought clothes.. then met my parents at queensway.. Then went to meiji ya to buy sukiyaki ingredients for dinner.... Stocked up on ramen. 12 packets of fresh ramen and 10 packets of instant ramen. 3 packets of fresh udon and 5 packets of instant yaki soba.

Yes, tell me I'm a noodle addict...

Right, think i'll leave it at here for today.

- It's like climbing a steep mountain.
- When you're already out of stamina.
- And you have a huge load on your back.
- You are on the verge of fainting.
- But once you stop walking, you'll fall.
- And you never get back up.
- Yet though you keep walking,
- You're just sliding on the same spot.
- You're not going anywhere.

Fall, and never get back up again.

2005-03-25T00:38:00.000+08:00

Congrats dionel, for getting the role.
Kinda expected.. Anyway I already lost my drive one week before the performance....

Rewind time 2005 years back.. And around this time, You'll see Judas kissing Jesus.
How sweet.
And then the traitor gives him to the people,who demand his death.

Random thought.. Excuse me..

` Now the road's hazy, and I don't know where to go.
` And I have no credits to continue the game of life.
` And I have no will, to stop lying on the road.
` Because I lost everything.
- Except you.
- And god..

...........
Ok forget it..
I'll either go on forever or the rest of it will be meaningless...
And anyway I'm not in the right mood to blog..

Cry out to the distant red moon, Let your tears reflect the red light, and turn to blood.

2005-03-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

So chain me up onto the walls,
Let the metal cut into my flesh.
Tie me down, until someone calls.
And tells me, it's time for my death.

Tired of living the hell on earth,
Tired of acting that everything's alright.
Tired of feeling the existance of love,
Tired of having sleepless nights.

The lost of everything that you hold dear,
The additional burden on your shoulders.
The question of whether the right path's here,
The need to find light in the darkness.

An incomplete poem, stopped by the breaking of lead.
「暁に声を出して、涙は血に変わって。」

Before the flower blooms, I'll kill it.

2005-03-19T01:20:00.001+08:00

First things first, I'm really grateful to G and Renee for changing the whole mood of the play within 3 hours. The whole play was completely different from the one that me and joyce performed. Obviously the secondary's will get the roles but I don't mind anymore, they saved drama's ass.

Other than that.. haha..

I'm really tired of acting. Offstage acting. It's affecting my stage acting already. Tired of showing false faces to everyone so they can walk off without worrying. Tired of acting happy as I suppress my anger. Tired of acting perfectly fine when I'm feeling sad. Tired of pretending to get along perfectly fine with the people I hate. Tired of suppressing any emotion and act as if everything's normal. But it dosen't matter, I can live with it. I know out there, there are people worse than me. Someone told me that I suffer from very bad depression. I don't think so.. I don't think I even have depression.I've already kicked the masochistic habit of cutting myself already, and that's considered good. There are others out there, who are suffering from real depression. What I feel is common, everyone has gone through it. So those of you out there who thinks that they are in a really bad state and no one understands you?

shut. up.

At least acting's good, at least I won't need to bother anyone. At least no one will waste their time listening to a fruitless story of an empty mannequin. And in turn I can listen, that is if anyone actually is stupid enough to talk to a lifeless creature. At least I'm lifeless, different from the rest of the dependant world.

Because I have already lost everything, from my dreams to my life.
And there's nothing left for me to hold on.
「あの花を咲く前に」

Ps. Wishing aj and the whole of wj good luck, although i don't really know you. Hope you all clinch the deal.

2005-03-16T11:26:00.000+08:00

Performance tomorrow,
How am I supposed to make it?
Between the primary role and the secondary role, only one can go for SYF.
And I have already lost my passion.
I'll force myself to go onstage, knowing that I have already given up.
I don't want to do anything already,
I just wanna wait for death.

Humans are so, so frail.
They break so easily.
They collapse under troubles and think they can't make it.
And so they share the burden with others.
But when they do, they pull others down.
They don't notice that they can do it themselves.
They just need the will.

If it were possible, I'd kill my heart.
I thought I already did.
But there was an emotion that was strong enough to revive it.
And now even if i try my best,
I can let go of everything,
Friendships, sympathy, care, concern,etc,etc.
I can kill everything, except that emotion.

Don't know how I'm gonna react, when I see you tomorrow.
Truth is, 「誰よりも，君を愛してる」

2005-03-13T15:00:00.000+08:00

Hey all.

Said that I'll be back, So I'm here to keep my promise. Revived my blog only for that purpose. Not like you guys will read it anyway. I've really lost my drive to blog, really. Lot's of things have been happening, like alot. Actually wanted to close this whole thing, but well, I said I'll only be away and I'll be back so.. I have to be back right.. Come to think of it does it even matter? Haha.. like I said none of you will bother reading it anyway.

Well that being said, I have no intention of updating often. I haven't got the mood really. And my sister's laptop crashed a few weeks ago so she's been hogging the com 24/7, meaning that i won't be going online for a long while. Impatiently waiting for her laptop to be sent back.

New layout, haha...

Well putting that aside, really alot of things have been happening. Triple science is starting to give me alot of stress and I know it's really time to start doing my homework by myself but... And there's alot of BB<->Drama clashes. I just sacrificed my adventure stage 3 badge for drama. Not to mention that I'm even losing my drive to act. I'm losing my drive to do everything. And then there's pressure from being last in jap class. And njd... I need to go down to choa chu kang for friday training but i really have no time. At this rate I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna fail everything, everything. But this is not all, there's alot more, which i will never say.

Why must people confide in others? Spilling out everything to a person who will leave them or sometimes betray them? Why must love exist, it's only something that will cause a person to fall sooner or later. Humans should be despised. Even animals can live on their own, hunt on their own and deal with all their troubles alone. When the whole world is going through the same type of troubles, why do humans think of themselves so highly that they think that their troubles and depression are the worst that you can ever find, that since no one has gone through it, no one understands? Have you ever thought that way about yourself? Have you ever wasted someone's time by crying out to them when you are hurt? It's not as if you're the only one. So stop with the "No one understands me" crap. Seriously stop it. Stop wasting other people's time when you spill out your troubles to them, cos they have better things to do.
--------------------------------------
I lost everything.
I lost my drive.
I lost my passion.
I lost my will.
I lost my freedom.
I lost my way.
I lost my path.
I lost my dreams.
I lost my confidence.
I lost my life.
I lost my purpose.
I lost you.

2005-02-15T15:36:00.000+08:00

This blog will not be updated in a while..
Until I feel the need to blog...

2005-02-11T12:54:00.000+08:00

1 month 11 days.
Both lasted for the same period.
Is it just a coincidence? "111"
How long has it been since i last shed a tear?

Come on, I'm not an actor for nothing.

I'll continue living life like this. Take another step further into acting, so that I can learn to control my emotions totally. So that i'll never love again. So that I can hide, from the whole world. I could be your friend for a moment, your enemy the next. I strive for that level of complete control over my own heart.

It's tiring isn't it? Acting for so long. Even today. The pain that was within me as i held back my tears when my cousins came over, as i held back my tears when my sister came back at 1. I wanted to cry. I was about to break down. But I was not able to. All I could do was act. Act happy and as if nothing was wrong. And it succeeded. My cousins went home not knowing anything.

ALL OF YOU WENT HOME WITHOUT KNOWING ANYTHING!!!!

Why, because I acted. for the sake of you, I performed a play. A perfect flawless play for you to believe, for you to digest and for you to take fiction as fact.

"NICHOLAS WON'T GET ANGRY!"
"NICHOLAS WON'T GET SAD!"
"NICHOLAS VERY EASY TO BULLY!"
"NICHOLAS HAPPY-GO-LUCKY!"

NICHOLAS FUCKS YOUR MOTHER'S BALLS LA!!!!

Isn't Drama the most wonderful yet dangerous thing?
It can bring life one moment, death another.

It's not only school that I'm stressed about, Not being able to cope with all my subjects, tests and the oh so loving teachers. But also the fact that im the bottom in my jap class. The pressure my dumbfuck parents put on me. Oh wow. I'm so free man. LIKE I HAVE THE TIME TO REVISE FUCKERS! And I'm weak. Very weak. I need alot more training for......... Haha some of you know, some of you don't. Oh yes. And the endless rain of homework.

And yet, aside from all of this, I still made time for you.
It's not gonna be easy to forget you.
You stirred up an emotion which was left sleeping for a long time.
An emotion strong enough to burst out of a shell.

Oh and if I ever turn to Satan, I'm counting on you guys to bring me back.

But seriously, I have no right to be typing this. I'm not the person with the worst troubles. I can manage on my own. I don't even know why the FUCK am I so dependant.

Deal with your own problems and don't bother others, for they have their own problems to handle. Don't think you're the one who's dying. Don't think no one understands you. Don't think you're the one who puts up the most facades.

HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES HAVE I TOLD MYSELF THAT!

I'm such a hypocrite.
But I'll achieve that now. So that no one needs to be bothered by my two cents worth of existance.

2005-02-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

The past has come back to haunt me once more.

2005-02-06T16:33:00.000+08:00

one of the most crack things ive ever seen..
Click here

2005-02-02T20:08:00.000+08:00

*Post Deleted.

[edit] Sorry for everything. [/edit]
[edit] I trust you, even if you're feeding me lies and excuses I'll believe it. [/edit]

2005-01-30T20:47:00.000+08:00

I'm the biggest fattest fucking selfish bastard on earth,
Sorry, for all the selfish things I've said and done.

2005-01-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

Haven't been blogging in a while, no mood la.. Lots of things happening... Anyway, have not been doing homework los.. copying from other pple... I'm gonna die cos like everyone has already started studying and I got no time to study.. And I've gotten alot alot more vulgar...

I wanted to spend today with you, but either way I hope that you'll wear it and everytime you wear it you'll remember me.. Cos I'll remember you whenever i wear mine to... And I'm gonna wear it almost all the time... It's almost one month...

Ok that sounds abit un-me but.. either way.. Lots of things have been going on la.. I just never said anything about them...

[edit] Kenneth told me about this article he saw. The article was addressed to parents and it said that if your kids are very attracted to black they may grow up to be satanic. I don't fully believe that but yeah i think there's a possibility. After all isn't god just using us, like a kid has a large collection of toys to play with but s/he still wants more, just to play with them. A kid loves his toys, god loves us. Everything we do is supposed to be for god. Satan is diffferent isn't he? He grants people power that people can use for themselves. [/edit]

[edit]Yes there is a chance that I may turn to satan, but for now I still trust god, I still know that he gave his life that saved me and I believe in him whole-heartedly. God loves me, god loves us. In that I truly believe. [/edit]

2005-01-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

What happens when you check-in your luggage at the airport, and find out its over the limit? You pay. What happens when you weigh your emotions, and find out its overweight? You pay. Why not lose that, altogether? So there's nothing to worry about, nothing to be concerned of anything being overloaded? Why not?

Humans are so weak, so easily broken. They depend on others, trust each other only to get their hearts broken. They tell their secrets only to get themselves gossipped about. They share their feelings and confide in each other, just to see the person forget about it in a day or two. Humans expect so much from others, they expect them to always be there, to always keep a secret when told. And if that dosen't happen, they'll think that they are the most troubled person in the world, that they have the worst troubles and that no one understands them.

So in the first place, why do humans actually want to trust each other, want to share their secrets and want to confide in each other? It's truly pointless.. Even if you're emotions start to overload, what use is it to let them leak? There is no use.

Dependence is pointless.

` What use is it to show what I feel?
` I will keep them hidden, even though it threathens to burst.
` Even though I can't bear them anymore.
` Even though it weighs down on me.
- Aren't we toys in God's hands?
- But even if we are..
- Then let me remain a toy...
- For I have nothing else to live for..

Where are you? I need you.. I miss you..

2005-01-20T22:44:00.000+08:00

Oh man, Today school sucked.. every single teacher PMS and i left my physics book in ITR1... Don't think I Can get it back liao. After school went for sdrama, which went very well. The primary leads acted for the first time in a very long time, so we were like full of energy la.

After drama went for training.

TRAINING WAS HELL!!!
*But I learnt from it.

I trained so hard that my skin came out from both my sister's toe and my toe, see image below.

Then, my coach asked me to go against him. I tell you his eyes alone got all the Sa Qi, I was like damn scared la.. And he is like wad 7th in Singapore i think... He went easy on me los... He held back and did not use his hands, And I still could not touch him. I blocked everything la but still, block until my hand got blood los...

It was one of the most scary yet experiencing moments in my life... And he dosen't do this to everyone, just to like one person once in a very long while, thats what my seniors said la.. And I also never see him ask anyone else to go against him before...

Anyway, new layout. And I got my layout archive up already.
It was definitely worth going to training, but I gotta train myself alot harder...

2005-01-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

Well, Guess school isn't that bad after all.. I'm gonna live with my class for 2 years so might as well try to make full use of it.. Other than the fact that I have activities going on everyday except wednesday.. not bad la..

Noticed something about myself.. I'm becoming more beng and losing my personal style.. waaait.. wad style... Haha.. anyway...

Been sleeping very little.. slept through english and was nodding through math.. english teacher caught me but i cooked up some lame excuse and she ask me next time don sleep so late... den she let me sleep :P... That's all so far la.. usually i either won't have time or not in the mood to blog..

- I miss you..
- Feb 1st is coming.. Such a contradicting day... Why?

2005-01-14T21:49:00.000+08:00

Mmm... today.. BB... then went with ko sk and alex for dinner... not really in the mood to blog... there's no reason to say why..

`I love you, even if i rarely see you..
`And I still trust that you feel the same..

2005-01-12T19:28:00.000+08:00

You ask for someone to help you, you ask for someone to save you.. No one's gonna do that... They got their own stuff to deal with.. When you cry for help, No one will be there for you.. Your pit isn't the only pit and your pit isn't the deepest.. So why ask help from people who are already in their own pits.. When you're stuck in a deep pit, Discard the unnecessary baggage [emotions] and make your way out...

`Even if it rips my insides apart, I'll keep them hidden.
`Cos there's no use showing someone what you're going through..
`There's no point wasting someone's time for your own selfish reasons..

2005-01-11T22:41:00.000+08:00

Today.. was dead tiring.. I won't be able to walk tomorrow.. and tomorrow's BB day.. Shat..

Everyone is using you. They ask you to help them do all their stuff.. And they expect you to follow whatever they say... You have no one to trust, no one to help you when you need.. Why? Because everyone has their own problems.. You say you suffer the most but others may have suffered more... You think you need the most help but there are people who need more help than you... People are caught up with their own problems... You shouldn't bother them and burden them more with yours.. Will you be able to continue living? Will you be able to continue bearing the pain?

You can, just force yourself to.
Because you know, that you're not the only one with problems...

2005-01-09T20:46:00.000+08:00

I don't see why people can't handle their problems by themselves... People who think that everyone or anyone will be there for them are just plain selfish. Think... Do you think people will want to spend their time listening to your troubles and feelings? Truth is, even if they do, they won't think much of it... Everyone has their own problems. We all go through the same thing. have you ever said or thought about a line that goes something like this? "You don't understand." or "My loneliness is worse than anyone else." Maybe something like "What would you know about how i feel?" Ever said that before? Newsflash. everyone goes through the SAME THING. Even if your sister died or your parents died, it's no big deal cos one day everyone will die. Why think that you're feelings are worth a person's time? Since everyone goes through this, why not you don't bother anyone and keep to yourelf, solve problems by yourself and don't go around venting your anger on people. Some people say "Loneliness is the only thing that humans can't deal with by themselves", or "People need others to survive.". I disagree...

`I'm pathetic for not being able to handle my own problems.
`I'm pathetic for spilling out my thoughts and feelings to someone.
`I'm sorry that I took up your time, making you listen to what I had to say.
`I know that you could have used that time to do so many other things.
`I promise that I'll never be selfish and do such a thing again.

2005-01-08T22:05:00.001+08:00

School is so fun. Studying is so fun. Especially when you're in a triple science where everyone urges you and supports you to study harder. They also make you concentrate on what the teacher is teaching by not providing any distractions! Isn't that so nice? So considerate aren't they? They care about me sooo much they don't even allow me to tell a joke as it disrupts the lesson. Aww man i love school. I love my class... And especially the golden silence provided to help me study.

Teachers! How wonderful! Giving loads of homework and packing me with activities so i come home at 8-9 everyday. They make sure I dedicate myself to our work even though it costs me my sleep. Caring aren't they? Also, they tenderly reming me everyday about my attire so that i can appear well-groomed and well-behaved to the public! Won't you agree with me that they are so thoughtful?

Oh, you know what's even better? Going home everyday and getting showered by your parents tender loving care for about an hour or so every single day. They'll talk about studies and how much they matter. They also enlighten me about certain aspects of life which are ever so important. Also, they raise their voice so that every word can be taken in by me. They also cut my allowance by 90 bucks per month to help me cultivate the habit of spending less? Isn't that so sweet? And it happens every single day.

It sounds so nice dosen't it? Won't you want people to care about you so much just like they care for me? Isn't it sweet? Well, I guess its not if you caught my sacarsm.

2005-01-02T17:32:00.000+08:00

Today.. Is the last day of holidays.. Sian ah.. Who wants to go back to school man... Anway, maybe should start sleeping earlier.. My bag seems incredibly light.. only 3 books.. Today whole day raining.. very nice.. Kept on walking in the rain... Mm.. after service and lesson.. Went back to church to wait for Aj.. Then went to clementi for lunch.. macdonalds sucks.. Mm.. then went to ang mo kio with Aj.. then went to back to jurong east.. parents picked me up now at home rotting.. no one's online man..

*She's so sweet..

2005-01-01T21:15:00.000+08:00

Today is a good day man..
Haha... feeling so happy.. why?
DON TELL YOU!!! Nyaha...
Nothing could spoil it and i mean NOTHING!!!
Haha.. I sound so un-me today..

2005-01-01T01:22:00.000+08:00

Err.. am i supposed to wish you all happy new year?
Ok fine.. happy new year then...

- I realised that I really like you,
But it's against myself to do so, and I'm unsure what it would come to.
It's against my nature to love, and i'm still afraid.
Sometimes when I'm with you, my heart hurts.
And i physically feel the pain, as if there's a battle going on.
I'm not gonna bother typing this fancifuly, with poems and what nots.
For now when I still have my sanity, I want to tell you.
I really really really love you. -

2004-12-30T11:58:00.000+08:00

I'm tired of pretending, I'm tired of acting.
I'm tired of showing the world facades.
I'm tired of feeling, I'm tired of loving.
I'm tired of having emoitional debates.
To seal a feeling, to seal an emotion.
To seal a demon in a cage.
To not feel, to not exist.
To let your insides burn with rage.

The night wolf howls at a crimson moon.
The colour of a masochist's blade.
A mannequin's smile, so broken and stale.
Emty when a killer's victim's dead.
A nightmare, so short and artificial.
A hell that torutres day and night.
A dead corpse, calm and without feeling.
A hand, desperate to hold something tight.

Not wanting to feel, not wanting to love.
Surpressing emotions, take a different curve.
My body says no, my heart says yes.
My mind's confused more or less.
A natural feeling of a living person.
Against a past better yet forgotten.
A poem incomplete, An untold feeling.
The pencil has broken, the pen has no ink.

- It is possible to solve everything by yourself.
- It is possible to handle your emotions by yourself.
- There is no need to confide in someone.
- There is no need to show anything.

Sayonara, mata ne. Genki de ite ne?
Zutto Zutto wasurenai kara.
Sayonara Kimi to mata aeru yo ne?
Yakusoku da yo, yubikiri genman

...

2004-12-28T11:13:00.000+08:00

Been quite a long time since i updated. Ok first things first..
- wishing you guys a merry belated christmas.

24 dec-
Riiight. My ipod shipped in on christmas eve [yes jtoh, yes clarence]. And it has my name engraved on the back of it... Went out with amanda to buy presents for our sisters. Got my sister a satanic zippo lighter and she got her sister a precious thots thing... Got my sister the february 2005 edition of Shoxx. Then went for service. climbed the roof and shouted merry christmas from the top. Quite fun.... Played with salt water again... It was worse than the one we made at paya lebar. Poor sk had to drink most of it.... Haha...

25 dec-
Err.. went for service and after that went for lunch with alex.. then came home to have christmas barbeque with my cousins at my house...

26 dec-
After church we went to orchard to watch a movie... amanda slept in the theatre lols... blew amost all of my money on the arcade... Wanted to watch a second movie but my mother pms, say cannot.. well i heard it was a bad show anyway... Jealous of amanda man.. she lives so near to orchard...

27 dec-
Met amanda at city hall... went to orchard to kill time.. kenneth and alex were beling lame and hiding behind the bookshelves at borders.. looked at stupid stuff.. then went to kino and started looking for religion. They have tarot cards!!! Haha.. Found this book that read "God is dead"... haha... but couldnt find any books on satanism there.. kenneth and alex left... then we walked very slowly to toys r us... quite fun there la...

28 dec-
Today.. Haha.. been thinking of stuff... just stuff... Later have to go for BB thanksgiving.. sian..

- Depression is a common thing.
- Its not only you who has it.
- Don't think your depression is the worst.
- Don't think that people have time to listen to you.
- They have their own problems to deal with.
- Why bother them with yours?
- Confiding is pointless.
- You're just taking up the other person's time.
- Handle what you feel by yourself.
- Handle your depression by yourself.
- Stop thinking that you're the only one who has it.
- Do you really need to show what you feel?
- Truthfully, no you don't.
- That's all there is to say.

[ mou daremo aishite kurenai ]

2004-12-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

two words :

KIDS SUCK!!!

I'm never going back there again.... And it stank of indian

Not really in the mood to blog right now ...

[edit] I really need my sleep... this whole week have been waking up earlier than 8.. plus now it takes mte two hours to get to sleep now.. and i think tomorrow drama im so screwed.. im gonna lose my role.. [/edit]

Anyway.. some questions...

` If you didn't exist, will it make a difference?
` When you die, will it affect the majority?
` Why do people tell others their problems. It's your own problem, do you need to burden others?
` Do people need to depend on others?
` Should people blurt out their feelings to others once in a while?
` If you tolerated everyting, [ Stress, anger, sadness, emotions, parents shouting at you while you just talk normally [even right now my mother just threw the dustbin at me], basically everything] Will you explode one day?

- I chose my way of life, when i found that all my answers were "No".

BB SGB

2004-12-22T08:57:00.000+08:00

That's the most shitty thing on earth...
First day was damn fun tho.. we were posted to paya lebar airbase.. We worked for like half an hour then since no trucks came in we slacked for AT LEAST 5 hours.. A handful of us were sleeping.. then because me and my friend we both pack sugar and salt. Then we made a hole in the salt and poured it into this water bottle.. I taste tested it and it was worse than sea water. So we were so bored, we started playing this stupid game.. then the loser must drink a gulp.. Kenneth kena quite alot... then they say the last part is unbearable.. like near the bottom.. so after we got no more salt water we play with ice cubes.. Alex put 2 ice cubes into his underwear run back and forth..

After playing we all like super bored la.. so we sit, talk with the pfms and tell jokes la.. Then i think i said something racist then one of the pfms ask me eh you racist ah.. then i said ya.. you leh... to wad.. then he said indians la! den i was like i love you.. so we wait for dinner los.. after dinner suddenly got 6 trucks come in los.. Work like crazy.. Den they say ok la dont sort now just unload then can go home.. so we unload and went home los.. we hitched a ride on my favourite car man.. dono how many seater, beats rachel's car hands down.. MY LORRY!!!! Damn fun.. we started cracking racist jokes inside.. I said "Many people will be surprised when they look inside and see chinese." Then everyone laugh.. then the pfm added "Eh be careful wad you say there may be some here that you cannot see" Then we all laugh again... So we crack alot la.. Like got one garbage bag with a white plastic bag on top.. i said is that an indian wearing a white cap.. then got this indian rifing a black ike and a white shirt we all say eh how come the shirt floating one...

Second day was hell...
First thing go there already kena scolded.. cos i wear the company's polo tee then some people also wear la.. but most wear the normal polo tee... then the guy purposely ask me you oing to buy the shirt later or not i talk back say this one cannot meh... then he ask me come out.. then he ask everyone tell this boy if he can wear this shirt... NO ONE SAID ANYTHING LOS.. then he still buay song me.. say wad blah shit i talk back la.. then in the end he got nothing to say just say wad later go buy a shirt then in the end i never buy.. SUXXOR!!!!

Slacked quite alot also la.. mmm.. all the hampers i stack them up los.. end up my hand so pain now... some are really friggin heavy la... Then there was this damn kiam guy he ask us fall in then say he got treat for us.. then suddenly half of the 5th coy walk in los.. then he shout at them.. then say wad ok "I will rethink about it." Nice english dude.. Then i heard he damn biased la.. everything also you from 33rd coy one right... But end up is always 5th coy.. Then slack time got plpe play soccer la.. then whenever the 5th coy ocme to play i will always put on a gay voice and cheer the 5th coy on... whenever i do that they lose... damn funny..

After a while eat dinner, pack a few more stuff then go great world for supper.. on the way there me and alex were shouting out christian songs.. then kenneth talking on the phone..we go irritate him by singing.. alex chased kenneth around great world until he put down the phone... then kenneth went into ero and looked at all the lingerie.. then he went out we all started laughing...
Go food court we bitch about all the shit people there... then when we walk to the bus stop liang fu needed to go toilet.. so we suddenly realised behind got hotel.. then we go ther grand copthorne seh... go inside pee and go out.. then we say sijay and gang at the bus stop.. they were like eh you had supper in the hotel ah... lols.. after that go home los..

That's about it for sgb...

Yuru-Sunday [yurusande] [heheheheheh]

2004-12-19T18:18:00.000+08:00

No, its ok if you don get the title... Anyway... today... overslept... supposed to wake up at 7.. woke up at 7:45... So i spent 30 mins getting out of bed... 15 mins washing up very slowly... and by that time it was like already 8:30.. so i just got some stuff forced it down my throat and ran out of the house... missed the bus.. waited until 8:45... went to service quite late... Mm... service was... ok la i guess... Then dono who tell me got full dress rehearsal i go wear white shirt come los... den inside my bag got white pants... and i really don like the shirt... then end up don have... Na be...

Mm.. had lunch at holland... with... err... whoever... was feeling quite good mood la so treated them drinks... bought a mushroom swiss double for my sis then took a bus home... wait.. 2 buses... Mm.. tomorrow SGB... the most sian thing on earth... get ready man.. if i have your number tomorrow you for sure kena alot of sms from me.. cos in the warehouse got alot of boxes.. you go in between them turn left turn right for sure can find a place where no one can see you cos all the boxes blocking you.. Sit there slack.. start smsing..

Shit i so dowwana go SGB tomorrow..

New Layout / Re:Mix

2004-12-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

Mhm.. New layout.. wad, it's sunday already wad!!

Anyway.. remix was fun.. at first i really wanted to go home... cos i see outside got hell alot of pple la... but in the end quite little so i ok los... Ok la quite fun la... The games ok la... First game ruth squeeze my hand until blood clot liao.. haha no la not so bad one la.. but it was still quite hard la... Second one was ok la i guess...

And the third game... the B1 thru 1 clue there was this girl who was trying too hard to figure it out... she was like "Be one through christ and..." Wanted to laugh man... Den i was like... staircase la think so much for wad... Then i said go b1 den everyone go... den evreyone started running down the steps i just smack the sign start tapping my fingers and wait for pple to notice...

During dinnner, me, sk and kenneth climbed onto the roof... like the emergency exit at the attic go on the roof and climb all the way up..

[shhshh]..

Damn funny... Cos Kenneth went down already... den all of a sudden yong zhi come me and sk was like oh SHIT!!! Den sk say stay there but i was like you siao ah he turn back look at the roof can see us liao... so we were like ok 123 we run down.. den we ran and jumped down just when yong zhi looked back, so he thought we just came from the gate.. but in the end we told him la... lols...

We wanted to climb again but then some guy came and said "You guys are not supposed to be here, this is an emergency exit" and he locked the thing... yo if really got an emergency we cannot get out how?

Worship was fun la.. then go downstairs arrange chairs... rachel's parents gave us a lift home...

Now my sister just came back from clubbing.. is clubbing that fun?

Nee-san.. hontou ni anna tanoshii no ka?

Mm.. Anyway, that's it for now...

About the upcoming layout

2004-12-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

Will feature Gazette's Death Vocalist, Ruki.
Layout has been completed but will be finalised and put up on [edit ]Sunday[/edit].

---

2004-12-17T19:28:00.000+08:00

Curretly working on a new layout.. Genny!! How the hell you do that without an iframe!! Oh but if you're using other pple's html/script then i dowwana know.. Must be original mah... Haha.. Mm.. Well nothing much la... Rotting to death..

][

2004-12-15T15:44:00.000+08:00

Actually wanted to blog about something here la.. but forgeddit la..

...

2004-12-14T20:59:00.000+08:00

Yawn

No stress

2004-12-12T13:25:00.000+08:00

Ah... so relaxed.. finally finish... But i need to train more man.. today just realised how lousy I am... but then again its maybe because that guy got more training la... Aiya so pai sae los.. But then finally la no more stress... relax man..

Insert Title Here

2004-12-07T14:01:00.000+08:00

| Feeling - Sian |
Yay... Jap exam finally over... The paper was a KILLER!! Anyway, putting that aside... Must now practise very hard for my next test.. December 12, Njd _______ [ not to mention genny's birthday as well :P ] Oh well, have ta practise damn hard for it...

JLPT

2004-12-04T11:22:00.000+08:00

December's gonna be very busy for me.. especially these two weeks.. tomorrow I'm gonna sit for my JLPT 3... Japanese language proficiency test... Happens once a year... Kinda worried that i won't pass cos the passing mark is 60%.. So this week quite hectic la.. Next week i gotta practise my ass off.. njd "exam"... After that syf drama rehearsals will resume and we'll start to go into the serious stuff...

...

2004-12-02T10:14:00.000+08:00

| Feeling - ...|
Been thinking alot... Mmm.. forgeddit... Anyway.. this few weeks I be very busy.. those of you who dono why don bother asking.. Mmm.. Also not in the mood to study and practise.. Cos got alot of things happening la... Thinking too much.. And I'm glad that sly wasn't the singapore idol.. All he does is tries to sing like hyde dress like hyde and act like hyde.. which he can't for nuts.. and the worst is he tries to scream like hyde.. which he can't to save his balls... Go find your own style balless ass... Taufik is original man... Haha... really no mood to blog man..

'Back

2004-11-30T06:57:00.000+08:00

See title

It's not my business...

2004-11-25T01:30:00.000+08:00

It's not my business, why should I bother..
You go your way and I'll go mine...
Why tell me how you feel? I don't give two hoots...
Feelings? What about? Dude I'm fine..

Cold stormy nights?? No I don't need anyone..
Stop harrassing me bloody bitch.
No one will always be there for you hun..
"Do you really need to know?"

ねえ。。俺の顔　良く見て　良く考えて。。
俺我慢できるのか？　やっぱりできないよ。。
じゃ。。今日から俺が違うや。。
全部返す。。

Mmm...
Just a fragment of what I'm feeling now.. It's totally messed up and there's hardly any connection so don bother trying to understand it, even those who understand jap.. and if you don understand jap, or maybe your com dosent even support it, or maybe its just that you gotta go change your current encoding.. like see up there "view","encoding""japanese(Shift-JIS)".. anyway... point is... don turn to those online translators.. not reliable.. churn out all the wrong stuff..

Anyway.. be seeing you guys.. mhm.. no I can't blog there... mm.. bbye...

Who cares? No one's there for you.. No one's ever gonna be.. Don't keep depending on pple..

Feelings? I've left the bothersome stuff behind.. No, you don't need to know..

Guess it's still mixed up huh...

Recovered

2004-11-23T13:50:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Sian
Finally rexovered man.. will be going drama today.. oh yay.. i get to go njd too.. havent gone in one week... finally got rid of the fever... Hmm.. wad else... crap i wanna highlight my hair.. i want two white streaks down my fringe and red strreaks at the back.. den yaya... hmm.. nothing else.. will be going to school soon..

WTF

2004-11-16T23:07:00.000+08:00

I'm just gonna make this quick..
Suspected dengue..
Can't go for drama..
Damn weak..
no energy to type..
Eyes hurt - Lack of sleep
For 4 nights, every 15 mins wake up and wait another half an hour to sleep...
Bloody Pissed...

Dammit

2004-11-13T07:37:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Weak, Frustrated, Sick
KNS
Yesterday night,
Suddenly got fever.

KNS
Not going for BB cos of fever..
Also because I lost my polo tee on swimming day [damn you alex]
And I lost my field rank there also.

KNS
Fever only 38.2 degrees
Why my body so sensitive.
Liddat also feel damn weak..

KNS
I hate feeling weak..
So don piss me off before I recover.
Cos I will try alot harder to retaliate.

KNS
Fuckdammit.
I hate feeling weak,
I hate being sick,
I'm damn frustrated.

KNS
Why must I get fever now
Fuckdammit.
Sorry sherman and gang, i'll give you your 15 points for citizenship next time.
No really, I did my part of the work
Hope you guys don think that I pon BB to get a free badge off you guys.
Maybe I can drop by school to pass the stuff ta you.

KNS
Fuckdammit.
i took 5 mins to unstiffen my fingers
5 to move my arm
another 5 and hell lotta determination to get outta bed.
hate it.
Feeling cold and hot.
Alternate.
The hell am I blogging like a girl.
Every sentence got space.

KNS
I hate this.

Blank

2004-11-12T16:19:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Sian
Ah, yesterday class gathering at east coast.. I went kayaking with some other peeps.. kns.. travel back to our bbq pit in the boad to make everyone jealous.. den some ass said that theres another return boat kiosk ahead we ask him same company or not they say this whole beach only got one coy. so we go another 2km.. den they say oh sorry wrong company.. wtf man.. den we travel another 4km back.. total 8km.. kns my arms damn pain.. come back home my squad leader say i take over him for saturday.. kns.. den tomorrow dono la.. like something bad's gonna happen los... just that i dono wad... anyway ya la... now justina going crazy over the word pedophile.... lamer..

...

2004-11-10T14:50:00.000+08:00

AKG - Rewrite [Eng. Translation]

Wanting to spit out the jarred thoughts is
Because there's no other proof of my existence
My future that I should've grabbed hold is
Conflicting between "dignity" and "freedom"
Wanting to erase the distorted afterimage is
Because I'll see my limit over there
In the window of the excessively self-conscious me
There are no dates in last year's calendar

Erase and rewrite
The pointless ultra-fantasy
Revive
The unforgettable sense of being
Rewrite
The meaningless imagination
The driving force that creates you
Give it your whole body and soul

After cutting my feelings that grew, I regret
After realizing that after all, I'm just a mediocrity, I cry
A depressed heart
A dirty lie

Erase and rewrite
The pointless ultra-fantasy
Revive
The unforgettable sense of being
Rewrite
The meaningless imagination
The driving force that creates you
Give it your whole body and soul

AKG - Rewrite [Romanji Lyrics]

kishin da omoi o hakidashitai no wa
sonzai no shoumei ga ta ni nai kara
tsukan da hazu no boku no mirai wa
"songen" to "jiyuu" de nujun shiteru yo
yugan da zazou o keshi saritai no wa
jibun no genkai o soko ni miru kara
jiishiki kajou no boku no mado ni wa
kyonen no KARENDAA hidzuke ga nai yo

keshite RIRAITO shite
kudaranai chou gensou
wasurarenu sonzai kan o
kishikaisei
RIRAITO shite
imi no nai mousou mo
kimi o nasu dendouryoku
zenshin zenrei o kure yo

mebaete ta kanjou kitte kuyan de
shosen tada bonyou shitte naite
kusatta kokoro o
usugitanai uso o

keshite RIRAITO shite
kudaranai chou gensou
wasurarenu sonzai kan o
kishikaisei
RIRAITO shite
imi no nai mousou mo
kimi o nasu dendouryoku
zenshin zenrei o kure yo

New Layout

2004-11-08T13:30:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Sian
Yep, New layout.. And my class not so bad la.. got a few nice peeps but got a few not nice peeps also.. will manage la.. 3e... triple science class... Anyway jtoh coming over soon....

...

2004-11-03T23:23:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Frustrated

ARRGHHH~~~!!!!
Shit I'm workin on a layout... and guess wad?
I Have Run Out Of Ideas Again!!!!
GRR!!!
Ok.. This is like... the
FIRST TIME
i am spending more than
ONE DAY
just
EDITING AN IMAGE
SOMEONE KILL ME!!!
Pardon me while i go rack my brains some more...

Hols

2004-11-01T18:22:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Boorin

Im bored someoone take me out.. or chat with me.. just keep me entertaioed..

Drama Blog

2004-10-29T01:01:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Sleepy

Yoo you guys should check out the drama blog man.. its dman fun!! cant stand it!! Haha love it man.. Anyway, new song.. The later parts are nicer..

...

2004-10-28T13:54:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Lethargic
Yo.. feel like making new layout, have to go back to schoool soon for drama.. i dowwana goo... but its ok laa.. ill manage.. hope today i can skip njd den listen to verma's stories. Or go to njd without needing to rush and still eat my dinner.. Lols.. damn sian now, cant get up from my chair.. Oh yeah...

The other day i took a trip into my storeroom to dig out some old stuff.. I found...

A looney toon baseball bat..
2 very old squash racquets
2 very old badminton racquets
1 very old tennis racquet
1 tube of old yet untouched shuttlecocks..
a bronze fish
an old and punctured basketball
my sisters' beginners violin bow
My sisters old violin
my old violin
a spare violin
one box of old pictures
a camera stand
a few travelling bags

And lots more....

2nd last day of school!?

2004-10-25T17:54:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Pissed
Ok la today quite fun.. slacked throughout the whole day.. PE played basketball.. aw man im so lousy.. been more than a year since i played... Math.. take hell lotta photos laa.. at first i dowwana take.. den during recess i was like ok la.. take only one pic with the NCJ - Nationally certified jerks, Nick Clarence Joshua...

So anyway jeffrey and meng linn were juming over 2 chairs.. den they all run and jump.. den they ask me try.. i two hands in pocket.. walk towards the chair and jump.. den see their face damn funny...

Anyway after i took one pic elis begged me to take one with the "family" den i was like.. ok last one.. But it wasnt the last one.. i started to open up totally for the first time in dono how many months.. den i take with a lot of pple.. den pple say that the one i took with my kor is damn nice.. MUAAAHAHAHAa....

Den war laao.. after school go cut hair.. now my hair looks friggin screwed laa.. screwed until cannot screw anymore.. shit laa.. squeeze the hairdressers penis til it burstas like a pimple laa.. asshole.. its not even long now.. Hate it hate it hate it.. kiss my ass man...

Oh yaa.. seems some pple really like the narutard crap.. i also find it damn funny.. anyway im putting the link here again in case its lost in my archives..

[ Narutard ]

Tomorrow wont be so open anymore..

2004-10-22T15:24:00.000+08:00

thanks guys

BitTorrent Illegal By Year End

2004-10-19T22:49:00.000+08:00

Straits Times 19 october 2004.
Front Page.
BitTorrent illegal By Year End.

At jtohs house

2004-10-18T21:14:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Hyper
Yesh me and hosy went to jtohs house. We played this super addictive tennis game. Then we started playing doubles against the com. Then we were like.. choose two strong players and the opponent we choose 2 girls la. Then we were like for sure win one LETS GO LETS GO!!

Half an hour later...

"AHH WHY CANT WE GET EVEN A POINT FROM THEM!!!"

5 mins later..

"USE CHEAT CHARACHERS!!"

15 mins later..

"YESS!! A POINT!! FINALLY!!"

10 mins later..

"WE WIN!!"

total time: 1 hour.
And now im super bored.. smack my butt before i sqeeze your dick till it bursts like a pimple.

Boing

2004-10-18T13:01:00.000+08:00

| Feeling - |

A Narutard

2004-10-17T13:47:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Err

I JUST WATCHED THE DUMBEST THING IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE!!!
JTOH YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS YOU WILL DIE LAUGHING!!
AND ALL THOSE WHO WATCH THE ANIME NARUTO YOU WILL DIE LAUGHING TOO
and if you dont watch it's about time you do.. Either way,
CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE DUMBEST THING EVER
(ps. Most "appealing" for pple who watch naruto)

Hyper

2004-10-16T23:25:00.000+08:00

Feeling - See title
Yes if youre tagboards have been tagged its not a scam its just the mad tagger who is really on the loose for one night. Ok i edied my tagboard like crazy liao lols..
Blogging for Nothing.
Kill Me.
Sue Me.
Kiss My Ass.
And Sennen Goroshi Me.
THEN ILL SQUEEZE YOUR PENIS TILL IT POPS LIKE A PIMPLE!!!
MUAAAHAHAHAHAH
PH34R M3!!!!
*ahem ahem. Excuse me for being a hyper sicko. Thanks all*

New layout

2004-10-15T20:11:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - Dead]

Ya la.. new layout, new song.. end of exams.. everyone's happy, except me and a few other peeps.. today was supposed to be a fun day assholes.

FOR FRIDAY

2004-10-12T17:33:00.000+08:00

For friday is a happy day
Where the devil "exam" flies away
When my new layout'll be up
and i'll be using the shower tub
then we'll all go out to play!!

WWEEEEE

For friday's when we movie
And i can play ps2's SPIDEY
we'll all sleep at one
And all be lazy bums
And only get out to pee.

WHEEE

For friday's when we all rejoice
Go out play and make the wrong choice
Ill upload a new song
and my papers will all be torn [by me la]
AND THEN EVERYONE SHOUTS "HOI!"!!

HOIHOI!

I am obviously very hyper

BOUNDLESS LOVE

2004-10-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - Tired]

Ok forget Outcast the Second Distance and forget the melody of death.. I got a new one.. Well i will uploaad it after exams la. Anyway outcast second distance and melody of death were supposed too look lke this:

[Outcast - Second Distance Screencap]
[Click to see Full Image]

[The Melody of Death Screencap]
[Click to see Full Image]

KENNETH'S LAYOUT COMPLETE

2004-09-30T21:34:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - Braindead]
Yeah kenneth's gotten his new layout i made for him up.. so you guys can go check it out..
[Kenneth's blog]
Anyway ya err today din go.. too tired.. and err uploaded chapter 3..
Feel so dead..
bbye

QUEUE SHORTENED

2004-09-29T20:33:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - Tired]

Ok err nothing much.. just wanna update that i finished kenneth's layout.. so the first in queue now is orange girl followed by joshua toh.. oh and no i don give layouts to pple that arent very close to me sorry.. unless you bribe me :P

STUFF

2004-09-27T19:04:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - CRAPPY AS USUAALL]

OKOK ERNOWNSEMENTS

1. PHOTOBUCKET SEEMS TO BE MAINTAINING MY ACCOUNT SO WHEN ITS UP ILL PUT ON CHAPTER 3

2. OUTCAST THE SECOND DISTANCE IS GOING TO BE UPLOADED SOME TIME AFTER EXAMS [LOOKS ABIT LIKE THE DRAMA LAYOUT]

3. THE MELODY OF DEATH WILL BE UPLOADED SOME VERY LONG TIME AFTER OUTCAST THE SECOND DISTANCE ^____^"""

4. I STILL OWE PPLE LAYOUTS [EG. PRISSY BOY AND ORANGE GIRL].. SORRY WILL GET THEM DONE WHEN I HAVE TIME

That's about it.. for now i think you guys all needa liven up a lil more! This place is getting too boring.. Exam stress?? Anyway take care all!

Luvyalottx k~~~*
[Just like a girl.. Again]

UPDATE

2004-09-25T22:56:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - Crappy]

NICK HERE

thank you very much,

Yesyes i know you all have been eagerly waiting for an update, wetting your pants once every 15 mins as you stare at the screen clicking the refresh button hoping a new entry to pop up.

Muahahah =)

Okok kiddin..

Anyway its still been a long time since I updated, so yay.

HEY PPLE! HOWS THE STUDYIN COMING ALONG~~!

ok like.. CRISIS.. I tried studying but nothing went in.. now sittin in front of the computer screen with my geog textbook at pg.10 Lesson 3 natural resources, go check it up yourself.

Duudes, I don even know wad stream i wanna go into. Maybe ill go C class la.. might as well make myself a "pure c".

Hey, you need Vitamin C for your system ok..

Anyway yeah guess i'd better get started man.. TOMORROW

Or the day after tomorrow...

Maybe the day after..

Or the day after..

OH WELL. Just hope i'd finally get serious man..

Btw guys, I'm still workin on a new layout..

WHICH I FORGOT TO SAVE THE .PDF FILE..

Bu either way, it's not gonna be entitled "Outcast, The Second Distance"..
It's gonna be " The Melody of Death"

So yea.. It's currently screwed beyond screwed la so it'll take me awhile to get down to it.

Anway guys, good luck for the exams!

Best wishes ~*
(just like a girl)

A PERFECT DAY

2004-09-20T19:00:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - happy]

YEs its been a perfect, happy go lucky day for me. The sun has been shining, the birds have been singing and the pile of shit in the air came down upon me. Such a good day..

NOTE MY SARCASM!?!?!?!?!?!

MORINING
Woke up late came to school slightly with a bad mood

ASSEMBLY
Lily cleapoatra wanted to flatten my hair

PE
Some asshole pissed me off, not telling who

[still not angry]

MATH
Wilson Ho PMS

[twitch twitch]

RECESS
Some idiots did something to me.. cannot say

[TWITCH]

MATH
Some ass said something to me

[TWITCH TWITCH]

HOME ECONS
Another guy piss me off

[TWITCH TWITCH TWITCH]

LOCKER
Left my wallet on top, was gone when i ran back

[FUCK! but still under control]

GEOG
FUCKING SARAH PENG

[FUCK YOU MAN, Hardly under control]

ORCA
Someone gave wrong directions like a thousand times

[ONE BIG MIDDLE FINGER]

AFTER SCHOOL
Wen to GO, said they found my wallet in the toilet bowl, contents emptied

[IF YOU WANT IT THEN FUCKING HELL JUST TAKE EVERYTHING AND FUCK OFF ASSHOLES]

BUS
Fucking bus driver pissed me off

[FUCK YOU GO CRASH INTO THE TREE]

yay... happy day.. cant put names cos some friends did it. except the wallet was unknown

OUTCAST - THE SECOND DISTANCE

2004-09-10T13:55:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - tired]
Working on new layout.. title is "outcast - the second distance"
Oh well.. later got tuition..

100th POST????

2004-09-09T23:26:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - err]
New blog music ..
Moi dix Mois - Dialogue_Symphonie - 02 Forbidden.mp3
Dono how my music life will be without my sister man..
Talk about my sister.. i gotta pimp her blog..
[ My Sister's Blog ]

And is it just me, or is the maximum number of posts you can have 99?

POST NO. 100

2004-09-09T22:35:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - Tired]
Booyah! 100th Post!! Haha ok lame.. today training nothing much.. am tired..very.. chapter two uploaded

SHIT

2004-09-09T17:26:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - The Hell?]
Guess wad? For those of you who went to my house before you know that the study room is linked to my room and my sisterss room right? So happens that i acccidentaly locked my room door and my sister is SLEEPING!!! ok thats not so bad but THE DOG WILL BARK LIKE HELL.. so cant do anything los.. hmm Only way would be to climb out the window and climb in the other.. hmm ok think ill do that.. will upload outcast chapter 2 when i come back tonight.

DAMNED HOLIDAYS

2004-09-08T11:52:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - Crapped up and tired ]
Wah seriously die man.. havent started studying for exama dn i so wont get my hobbies badge liao.. hmm yesterday training was kinda cool.. hmm then today added a few touches to the dram a layout.. yes i made it myself... AGAin.. haha.. sorry la jtoh ill make you your chidori one when i got motivation.. haha..

STUDY SKILLS

2004-09-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - Tired]
Today go school study skills.. jeffrey damn funny.. Haha.. Err nothing interesting la.. I make jeremy and jeffrey jealous sia.. haha sorry sorry i sadist.. Anyway today nothing much la.. afterwards went for training.. come back damn tired.. thats it los.. bbye

HOLIDAYS

2004-09-06T10:11:00.000+08:00

[ Feeling - crappy]
Have a feeling this holidays will so suck man.. Like waddahell.. i dowanna study.. den some more i gotta get my hobbies badge and i dono a shit about a guitar man.. so dead.. Well, good luck to the rest of ya.. Updating for the sake of updating.. Still can't believe that drama couple.. Haha..

sandai

2004-09-05T21:34:00.000+08:00

Feeling - S.h.o.c.k.e.d
OMFG RYANN FROM DRAMA'S NICKNAME=
"(l)I Love SL(l)"
SL = SANDRA LEE
OMFGOMFGOMFG
HOOO MAN..
Anyway.. gotta calm down.. hmm today went church.. din go arcade.. den went home.. tuition.. den went out spent 250 on clothes and shoes.. there was this big sale.. yepyep.. bought new black nike bag.. 3 new black tops.. have no idea why i like black so much.. oh well.. thats it for today.. put on web music.. will be working on outcast chp.3.. when im done with that chp.2 will be published

bb cares

2004-09-04T06:59:00.000+08:00

Feeling - crapped up..
Yo all.. dono why all of a sudden im updating almost daily liao.. Err.. yesterday was crap la.. wear that costume walk around do nothing.. i don even know why i had to go there for.. Hmm.. before that went home for an hour eat instant noodles.. den came back.. so malu los.. i go drama storeroom take costume.. den i wear inside.. den cos the storeroom is in PA1 which the choir using... den i exit the room.. den remembered that something missing wo.. i walk back in the speaker in front say "oh i like that guy he's cool".. It was so bloody embarassing los waddahell.. Then the whole choir was like.waa... Waddahell man.. so anyway after that we were supposed to go entertain peeps i went off slackin.. Den later we were supposed to cut the balloons and then light the candles.. That's it los.. Later the 2c peeps with enshao a joshua lim walk the track then go supper... enshao got drunk on jollyshandyu.. waddahell man.. after that went home with elis..

Today.. bb cares... crap man i so dowwana go.. alll the sick old pervs there.. War lao.. home for the aged sick los.. dowwana go.. I dowwana live past 40 so why bother with 80 year old peeps.. gotta go.. fall in .. bbye..

Photobucket down?

2004-09-01T11:59:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Cool
Yepyep.. looks like photobucket's down.. Nonetheless im still in a good mood today.. hope no one spoils it ya? Hm... Er just had tuition kinda cool.. err gonna take a loooooooong nap soon..
Night guys

Training

2004-09-01T01:13:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Tired
Hmm good morning dudes.. Wassup..
holiday pro arh?
haha feel so too..
Hmm err training earlier was fun man..
Kena thrown by the coach..
used as guinea pig..
either im masochistic or something but it was fun tho..
hmm Today got tuition los..
dowwaaaaan.. but ok la will pull through it..
later clarence going bowling and then watching movie..
about 10% possibility i go for movie and 0% chance going for bowling..
no money.. no money.. no money..
den i think tomorrow im just gonna pig out and sleep for the whole day..
eh sleeping is fun ok?
haha.. oh i think im gonna sleep soon.. Night guys
Oh yeah.. forgot one thing..

[Click here to laugh your head off]
Introduced by my sister...

Bloody hairdresser

2004-08-31T17:51:00.000+08:00

Feeling - Pissed
Hell shit los.. Got a bloody screwed hairstyle from a bloody hairstylist.. Looks like bloody crap los.. Thursday i dowwana come to school already man.. Oh well im gonna suffer for one month or something.. War lao is seriously screwed beyond screwed.. Wanna suicide liao.. looks like crap.. Anyway teachers day was crap too.. today's a crap day.. hope training wont be that crap also.. so crap los..

mahndaie

2004-08-30T19:28:00.000+08:00

Feeling - lame
Today.. overslept.. den went to school.. err like almost slept on the bus.. zai damn tired.. today felt like going up to sarah peng and kick off the plastic on her face.. insulted lily cleaopatra also..

Lily-"Why do indians say deepavali is the festival of lights?"
Me-"Because they envy.........."
Thinking-"Becuase they envy the white or yellow of all lights cos they are all BLACK!"
Lily-"You were about to make a racist remark right?"
Me-"I din say anything.."
Thinking-"Hell Yea!"

Then got drama.. so sian.. now at home doing nothing..